Review: Don’t Go in the Woods! (1981)

Directed by: James Bryan
Starring: Nick Cleland, Mary Gail Artz, James P. Hayden
Written by: Garth Eliassen
Music by: H. Kingsley Thurber
Country: United States
Available on: Blu-ray (Vinegar Syndrome)
IMDb

This is one of those movies you can’t believe exists. This film had a budget of around $150k but it feels like $5k, and it might be the most unintentionally goofy movie ever made. It’s incompetent in pretty much about every aspect: just the worst acting, comical dubbing, cheap special effects, no effort whatsoever towards consistency from scene to scene (there’s an RV/van attack that was obviously partially filmed at night and partially during the day), zero story, ludicrous characters (including the woodland hobo killer), and a score that, in the words of reviewer Nathan West, “sounds like a Casio keyboard trying to kill itself.” There are long stretches where nothing happens. Don’t Go in the Woods! landed on the Video Nasties list in the ‘80s, but it’s really not all that nasty other than a whole bunch of bright red liquid splashing all over; anything graphic takes places off-screen. But all of this goddamn silliness coalesces into an entertaining experience. I can imagine this movie playing really well with a group of inebriated friends who’ve never seen it before. And it’s got a pretty damn awesome end credits theme song. The film could definitely use more onscreen carnage and a few more campy character moments, so it doesn’t quite make the “so bad it’s good” hall of fame, but it’s got enough cheese for a delicious horror charcuterie board.

Rating: 5 out of 10