Review: Warlock (1989)

Directed by: Steve Miner
Starring: Julian Sands, Lori Singer, Richard E. Grant
Written by: David Twohy
Music by: Jerry Goldsmith
Country: United States
Available on: Blu-ray (Vestron), DVD (Lionsgate)
IMDb

Julian Sands is an interesting guy. I’m not sure I can think of another actor who appeared in so many movies I saw on the video store shelf as a kid/teen and thought, “Wow, that looks fucking weird” but never, ever actually saw, such as Boxing Helena, the beautiful love story between a surgeon and a woman whose limbs he lops off to keep her from leaving him. Romance! (I should probably watch that, because it sounds really up my alley these days.) Anyway, Warlock was another one of those, about Mr. Sands, the eponymous warlock, being transported to modern times to discover the true name of God so he can erase all existence, or something like that (there’s a lot of that type of mumbo-jumbo in this thing). And he’s being chased through time by Richard E. Grant as a very William Wallacesque witch hunter. After finally laying eyes upon this movie, I can say that it was not what I was expecting. I knew it would be cheesy, but I did not anticipate the filmmakers realizing how cheesy it is. There’s a lot of funny stuff in this flick, from everyone obviously knowing that a shoeless Sands, in fancy clothes and long, silky blonde hair bound by a scrunchy, flying through the air was going to be silly as hell and just doing it anyway, to Grant’s legitimately hilarious fish-out-water dialog (“Lest you favor throttlings to the ears and face, bear west here!”). But director Steve Miner, of House and Friday the 13th parts 2 and 3 fame, and screenwriter David Twohy (Riddick franchise, Waterworld) keep things balanced with a few moments of horror, notably the warlock using a woman’s torn out eyeballs as a compass and murdering a little boy then slurping his fat so that he can accomplish the aforementioned flying. A lot of the gory stuff is suggested, rather than shown on screen, but it’s still sort of disarmingly gruesome for a movie that could have easily been PG-13 otherwise. Lori Singer, rocking some seriously crimped hair that’s likely a wig, is also pretty endearing as the witch hunter’s pseudo love interest, though apparently she was a huge pain in the ass on set. Toss in some goofy but amusing animated special effects, more scenes of a people using a weather vane as a javelin than you could ever hope for, and a nice score from Jerry Goldsmith, and you’ve got yourself a decent hunk of ‘80s horror that knows exactly what it’s offering without getting overly ambitious.

Overall rating: 6 out of 10