Review: Ninja (2009)
Directed by: Isaac Florentine
Starring: Scott Adkins, Tsuyoshi Ihara, Mika Hijii
Written by: Boaz Davidson, Michael Hurst
Music by: Stephen Edwards
Country: United States
Available on: Blu-ray/DVD (Alchemy/Millennium)
IMDb
For a film with arguably the most generic title to ever grace a DVD box, Ninja has a surprisingly high amount of polish and production value. I thought for sure that something so nondescript would be shot in someone’s backyard with a few college bros that were, at best, Tang Soo Do yellow belts — perhaps shot on an iPhone 3. What I experienced instead was a fast-paced, if somewhat by-the-numbers, action piece on par with Marvel’s Daredevil show.
Ninja showcases excellent fight choreography not only with fisticuffs, but also a healthy mix of swordplay, gunfire, and both bows and bo-staff, often dueling amongst each other. The high-water mark for the fight scenes had to be the brawl with the Russian Mafia on a crowded subway train. While acrobatics using hand-railings and subway seats is pretty stock for a martial arts movie, I had a genuine “Oh SHIT!” moment as a bad guy was defenestrated from the train, right into an opposing, oncoming subway in a tunnel. Speaking of defenestration, if you see a window or glass in this one, just know that it is not long for this world. If a person isn’t getting tossed through it, then someone is launching themselves through it. Or a foreign object. Or gunshots. Glass insurance in New York must be crazy expensive! Similarly, if a person is wearing white, they are absolutely going to be stabbed or shot. The white shirts simply act as a means to enhance the rapid pooling of whatever blood isn’t sprayed from their body like a 90s-era watergun.
As for the story, this one falls into a sub-genre of martial arts movies that I like to call “The Invincible White Dude.” Basically, if you leave a young, white boy at a dojo, you can rest assured that he will become the star pupil and eventually surpass even the greatest of sensei. Corey Bowman (played by Scott Adkins) is the Invincible White Dude of Ninja. Apparently, he lived his entire adolescence in this dojo, kicking ass in total harmony with those around him, mourning the loss of his deceased, drunkard father and absentee mother. The Zen of it all takes a huge swerve when Corey’s brother/rival in the dojo (from out of nowhere) decides, “You know what? I’m going to murder Corey so that I’ll be sensei’s favorite! Then, the school will belong to me!” He pulls an actual sword during a training exercise and comes very close to executing step one of his master plan. Being equal parts dishonorable and ill-conceived, sensei was not down. Rival Evil Ninja was expelled from the school, never to be a problem again.
During their eventual confrontation, Evil Rival Ninja appears on the scene in what is essentially Batman’s armor, complete with high-tech smoke bombs, a retractable sword that is capable of slicing lead pipes with ease, and a fancy helmet with night-vision goggles. Corey has no choice but to use the school’s priceless ancient artifacts to defend himself; its contents are basically a swap-meet katana and a Party City-branded ninja costume. Under normal circumstances, his equipment would be sorely outclassed and his opponent at least equally skilled, but remember: Invincible White Dude. Point, set, match: Corey.
Was it a bit campy and predictable? Yeah. Did it far exceed my expectations for a movie simply called Ninja? You betcha! Also of note: despite being Rated R, there was no swearing, and zero nudity or sexuality, sans a questionable, potentially non-consensual kiss of a barely conscious woman. Plenty of exaggerated blood and dismemberment, but no sexy-times — or as we call it here in the States: Perfectly suitable for kids of all ages!
Overall rating: 7 out of 10