Review: Neon Maniacs (1986)

Directed by: Joseph Mangine
Starring: Leilani Sarell, Alan Hayes, Donna Locke
Written by: Mark Patrick Carducci
Music by: Kendall Schmidt
Country: United States
Available on: Blu-ray (Code Red)
IMDb

Neon Maniacs had a troubled and repeatedly interrupted production, which makes perfect sense when you watch this often nonsensical but charming slab of maniacal neonity. The film, about a handful of monsters that live under the Golden Gate Bridge by day and slaughter Bay Area residents by night, was originally written by Mark Patrick Carducci (who co-wrote Pumpkinhead) as more of an epic monster mash that was pared down significantly by budget constraints. What we end up with is a dozen wonderfully, though unevenly, designed “maniacs” who kill a few people but eventually just sort of lose interest in the carnage and disappear at the end. Was it because they were forced to sit through 15 minutes of a high school battle of the bands, just as the audience was? Was it (as I read elsewhere but didn’t get a sense for via the actual movie’s plot) that the maniacs were in search of a virgin who, in the middle of the climactic attack scene, decided it was a good time to sneak off and bump uglies, robbing them of their prize? Was it because an actress in her late 20s trying to portray a 13-year-old discovered their vulnerability to water? (Side note: The Golden Gate Bridge, having been built over a very large body of water and constantly whipped by saltwater-saturated wind, is not an ideal homestead if you melt into goo when exposed to H2O.) Mostly, I think it’s because the filmmakers didn’t have the cash to finish the film as intended, so they just decided to cease making a movie at some point. But, as is often the case, these strange circumstances and choices make the film more fascinating and delightful than it would have been otherwise. The origin and motivations of our neon friends are never explained and, though you can’t really tell, almost all them are played by two people because a production hiatus resulted in the unavailability of many of the original actors once things started back up. As mentioned, the monsters are pretty snappy, each given a distinct gimmick, and the special effects are generally fun. There are some amusing character beats. But there isn’t quite enough of everything: There isn’t enough screen time given to the neon maniacs, there aren’t enough kills, there’s not enough story, and there certainly isn’t enough of Donna Locke trying to look way younger than she is by wearing a sideways hat (emblazoned with the USCSS Nostromo logo), highwater jeans, and Converses, and sporting a “gee, golly, willikers” persona — she legit could have been a fun arch-nemesis of the maniacs in future franchise installments. Although Neon Maniacs feels sadly incomplete, it’s a unique entity that’s mostly creative, sometimes ambitious, and always unusual.

Overall rating: 7 out of 10