Review: Mausoleum (1983)

Directed by: Michael Dugan
Starring: Bobbie Bresee, Marjoe Gortner, Norman Burton
Written by: Robert Barich, Robert Madero
Music by: Jaime Mendoza-Nava
Country: United States
Available on: Blu-ray (Vinegar Syndrome)
IMDb

Every kid who ever had the pleasure of perusing a video store aisle has stopped to admire the striking VHS cover for Mausoleum. To this day, it remains one of the most indelible pieces of horror illustration from the ‘80s. Although as much as I fawned over it growing up, I never actually watched it until it got a beautiful Blu-ray release from Vinegar Syndrome. But had I seen this as a kiddo, I would have loved it to pieces. I mean, I do anyway — it just took me 30 years. There’s just about everything a connoisseur of ‘80s horror could pine for: excellent and plentiful gore gags and demon makeup from the wonderful John Carl Buechler, excellent and plentiful nudity from stunning lead actress Bobbie Bresee (though there’s no way she’s actually 30 as the screenplay posits), a story that doesn’t bother much with complexities like logic, a healthy serving of spookiness courtesy of old-school effects like smoke machines and colored strobe lighting, and a whole lot of silliness. Mausoleum isn’t a great movie, but Michael Dugan and friends pack it to the seams with so much salaciousness and stupidity that it’s impossible not to enjoy. Included here: a 10-minute scene of a slovenly and rude landscaper landscaping, sharpening an axe, taking a nap, and eating lunch before he’s finally, mercifully, seduced and murdered; a shot literally paused so that the glowing effects overlain over Bresee’s eyes wouldn’t bob around off-target; a demon with carnivorous titties that chomp open a man’s rib cage; the excellent LaWanda Page exclaiming, “Lord, have mercy! I ain’t been this nervous since I’ve been black!” and “No more grievin’, I’m leavin’!” in response to seeing some demonic bullshit; and the supernatural housecleaning powers of an ancient ghoul who never leaves a bloody mess to be discovered by a pesky husband, no matter how gruesome the kill. Supposedly, Mausoleum was partially funded by the Colombo crime family as a vehicle for money laundering, which is just fantastic. Mausoleum is perfectly satisfying, brainless fun with just enough sneaky good actual horror that it exists slightly above the genre film Mendoza line.

Overall rating: 7 out of 10