Review: Creepozoids (1987)
Directed by: David DeCoteau
Starring: Linnea Quigley, Ken Abraham, Kim McKamy
Written by: David DeCoteau, Buford Hauser
Music by: Guy Moon
Country: United States
Available on: Blu-ray (Full Moon Features)
IMDb
Creepozoids is one of those ‘80s video store staples with eye-snaring cover art that was obviously created based on conceptual materials and not the actual movie. In this case, we’ve got a very Frank Frazetta- or Boris Vallejo-inspired painting of a terrifying insectoid creature (which more or less exists in the movie) attacking a large-chested man and two large-chested women (who don’t). Generally, the stellar art promises a bit more than this joint delivers.
This post-apocalyptic Alien mime about a group of nuclear-war survivors trying to avoid deadly acid rain and mutants is directed by the prolific David DeCoteau, who’s helmed dozens of low-budget genre films as one of Charles Band’s in-house go-to guys at Full Moon. Creepozoids’ tiny budget is easily detectable; the characters (so-called “deserters” in the ongoing war that’s laid waste to Earth) very swiftly find themselves trapped into a single location that contains like three rooms and one claustrophobic hallway that our heroes trot down approximately 29 times. They’re stalked by a monster that’s mostly representative of the art’s promise, except sloppily constructed by strapping large hunks of rubber onto a clumsy man. There are also a couple of enlarged rats with zero articulation and a carnivorous newborn baby for some reason.
A significant portion of the film is dedicated to one character being awkwardly attacked by a poorly designed monster while one of their comrades stands around and cowardly screams instead of lending a fucking hand. Also, there are a handful of scenes of people spewing blood while prosthetic facial appliances throb away. I think the boils and sanguine vomit have something to do with the enzymes in the mutant cockroach’s drool? The science in this flick is complete nonsense, so who knows. Then again, you’re not here for its sound technical prowess. You’re probably here to see Linnea Quigley’s tits (check, although it’s kind of fun to see her as more than a naked damsel in distress for once, even if her performance is acutely terrible) and some grisly monster mayhem (check, I guess; Creepozoids tricks you into thinking it’s gorier than it is by flinging around a whole lot of fake blood).
So yeah, you’re getting what you’re modestly asking for here. It’s a briskly paced showcase of beasts and boobs with very little story and a pretty killer score from Guy Moon, filled with electronic hooks and energetic beats that’ll keep your toes a-tappin’ while the nuclear fiends are attackin’. Creepozoids is a perfectly acceptable schlocker for those more forgiving moods.
Overall rating: 5.5 out of 10