Review: Blood Hook (1986)

Directed by: Jim Mallon
Starring: Mark Jacobs, Lisa Todd, Patrick Danz
Written by: Larry Edgerton, John Galligan
Music by: Thomas A. Naunas
Country: United States
Available on: Blu-ray/DVD (Vinegar Syndrome)
IMDb

Muskie madness abounds! Not many people think of fishing when they think of horror, but the filmmakers behind Blood Hook sure did, and they thought of it so hard. Directed by Jim Mallon, who’d go on to co-create and produce Mystery Science Theater 3000, this quirky little regional slasher (set and filmed in Hayward, Wisconsin) is about a man who visits his family cabin 17 years after the disappearance of his grandfather during fishing trip, and discovers a killer on the loose who’s fond of murder via oversized fishing lure.

The premise is absolutely ludicrous, but honest, swear-to-God, cross-my-heart, it kinda works. Mallon, the writers, and the actors all appear to realize the immense silliness of this shit, and treat it with the perfect balance of fun and sincerity, while infusing some genuine eeriness and — as absolutely unbelievable as it is — scares. There are three principal reasons this goofy flick succeeds. First, its setting, which is picturesquely beautiful and shot beautifully, with its tranquil pastoral woods, a series of dilapidated wooden shanties home to kooky locals, and a mist-frosted lake both serene and foreboding. Second, it’s meandering, spacious screenplay that at times mars the pace, but also provides for some random moments of characterization among a pretty likable and/or intriguing cast that set it apart from a much lazier slasher. There are so many moments in here that more cynical filmmakers would be tempted to portray dismissively, like the elitist dipshits they are. But praise be to this crew, who respected the mortal threat of a comically large fish hook, the triumph of our hero’s quest to follow in his grandfather’s casting mastery, and the drama of a climactic fishing line cast-off. Third, the music, courtesy of Thomas A. Naunas, is outstandingly moody and adds a generous amount of spookiness to something that’s really, really damn preposterous. I also really dig the reveal of the killer’s motivation. Like the rest of this chaotic craziness, it’s totally unexpected and I’m into it — even if it’s mostly surprising because it’s completely infeasible. And I enjoy that there are three or four climaxes and the movie still doesn’t really end.

There’s a whole lot in Blood Hook that’s likely to make most people punt it right into the trash. I mean, on paper, it’s incredibly stupid. But, ride with it and you’ll be at least modestly rewarded by its strangeness and spunk. It seems like a situation in which Mallon was held at knife-point and forced to make a muskie fishing-focused horror movie by some pescaphilic maniac, and made the best of an existentially absurd situation. But I respect the hell out of the fact that people willingly made this thing and did with with relative aplomb.

Overall rating: 7.5 out of 10